Torrential rain forces man to eat lunch in YO! Sushi

A SUDDEN heavy downpour left a man with no choice but to eat raw fish for lunch.

Julian Cook was shopping in Manchester yesterday when torrential rain forced him to seek shelter in the local branch of YO! Sushi.

He said: “I stood in the doorway for a couple of minutes. The staff were staring at me as if to say, ‘what are you playing at? Do you want some raw fish or what?’.

“I was starving. Like proper starving. It was either eat there or get dangerously wet.”

He added: “It was like an out of body experience. I sat at the counter and a few moments later I saw my hand reaching forward for a plate of little pink and white parcels that I assumed was the food.

“All around me was the chatter of YO! Sushi diners. I cannot stress strongly enough how much shit they were talking.

“Anyway, I ate the food and it was not hellish. I’ll probably end up going back. Why? Because I don’t know who I am anymore.”

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UKIP votes to support staying in Europe

THE UKIP conference has voted to campaign for staying in Europe after all.

Members changed their minds because of the Greek bailout, the refugee crisis and party treasurer Norman Steele’s recent holiday in Portugal, which he described as ‘very pleasant’.

Steele said: “When we saw not just a government but a democratic referendum overruled in favour of good old-fashioned austerity in Greece, a few of us started to have doubts.

“Then, when millions of refugees arrived, we became concerned that if we left the EU we might not get our fair share of these poor, hard-working souls.

“We all agreed that our campaign to exit the EU was just a disproportionate reaction to how upset we were at the abolition of duty free.”

UKIP leader Nigel Farage said: “Hey, you know me. I’m easy. It’s not like the whole anti-Europe thing was really working for us anyway. We can just lop off the ‘dependence’ and become the ‘UK In Europe Party’.

“And it should mean we attract fewer racists.”