Tough guy cyclist asserting authority with tinkle-tinkle bell

A CYCLIST who considers himself a warrior of the road announces his presence with the sound of a Disney fairy’s magic wand. 

Middle-aged systems analyst Martin Bishop, who regularly cycles wearing a T-shirt with the slogan ‘It’s not your road, it’s my fucking road’ tries to use the bell to intimidate pedestrians but instead is making them think they have been granted a single wish.

He said: “I am the absolute daddy of this shared-use path and I let everyone know it by firing out sonic warnings like Terminator 2 and his pump-action shotgun.

“Dog walkers, schoolkids, pensioners with shopping bags, they all get a blast of the Bish’s bell, but often it doesn’t really alert them and I have to say excuse me and that ruins it really.

“It’s hard to be a Mad Max-style crazed speed-demon when you’re announcing yourself like a vicar riding past a Women’s Institute cake stall, but the people will learn to fear my jingly tinkles.

“Ding ding! I’m a maniac on two wheels! Ding ding ding!”

Pedestrian Margaret Gerving, aged 72, said: “Goodness me, is it Christmas already. Earlier every year.”