Town launches urgent appeal to help man without a shed

A MIDLANDS town has launched an urgent charity campaign to help a 47-year-old man who has found himself without a shed.

Roy Hobbs relocated from central Leicester to Hinckley for work, but did not realise that the home he was moving into was somehow devoid of sheds.

He has now spent six days without anywhere to put his lawnmower, smoke or simply sit and family believe he may not last the fortnight.

Hobbs said: “I just stand on the lawn, my insides churning, my adrenal medulla screaming at me to break for shelter.

“I had a fantastic shed at my old place. Well, two sheds. Four actually. There must be one here. There must be one.”

Campaigner Joanna Kramer said: “We’ve had offers of pre-loved sheds, but only a brand new one will give Roy the course of woodstaining and shelf-building he needs to be rehabilitated.

“We have to raise at least £400 before next Sunday. Time is running out.”

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Churchill reference a bit obscure, worries racist

A BRITISH patriot is worried that the five pound note featuring Winston Churchill is too obscure for its target audience. 

Wayne Hayes of Leominster believes that while hardcore English nationalists like himself are familiar with Churchill the reference will be lost on many.

He continued: “We would have been a lot better off with a bulldog wearing a Union Jack waistcoat sitting in front of a Union Jack.

“Trust me, the lads I meet in the Dukes Head on a Friday night couldn’t be more patriotic – their tattoos speak for themselves – but they’re not really up to speed on who was prime minister 70-odd years ago.

“Could we not have had a more modern, relatable racist, like Ron Atkinson?”

Friend Tom Logan agreed: “Never heard of him, and I’m always watching programmes about World War Two.

“Though to be fair they generally focus on the Nazis.”