AN invitation has arrived, and of course you have no intention of going. But how best to do so without offending the host who unreasonably expects your presence? Try these:
Turn it down
The cleanest strategy for handling invites is also the most challenging. Going against every instinct to embrace your anti-social nature with a swift ‘F**k no’ is tough, so ingrained is pretending people are pleasurable to spend time with. It does eliminate uncertainty over whether you’re a fun or available person, helpful in the face of future invites.
Accept, then cancel
Allows you to experience for a moment the feeling of being a normal sociable person who wants to ‘hang out’ while not actually doing it. It’s most convincing to leave making your excuses to a week before the event while bemoaning the other commitment that has cropped up ‘out of nowhere’ and is ‘truly gutting’.
Ghost
May require moving house, changing jobs, or going no-contact with family, but worth it if you struggle communication, confrontation and the rigmarole of basic human courtesy. A straightforward blanking allows you to continue as if an invite never arrived, safe in the knowledge that the host will eventually give up trying.
Turn it down then accept
Reverse the established norm to give your host a rousing rollercoaster of emotion, then cancel again, then accept again, and before long they’ll be ignoring your texts. Quite a turnaround.
Refuse to commit
Ideal for those who want to give their prospective host the most anxiety possible, this option suspends your host in a quantum state of indecision, waiting for you to sync diaries, taking hopes you can make it at face value, eager to see if fictional competing engagements pan out. Eventually text ‘sorry, can’t make it’ an hour after the event begins.
