BRITAIN is reeling under an onslaught of Pimm’s-fuelled violence and disorder due to forgetting that the summer drink is alcoholic.
The authorities have warned that Pimm’s is intoxicating despite being a garden drink with bits of salad in it.
A government spokesman said: “Normally law-abiding people are ransacking shops for more strawberries and mint. The economy is in freefall because unexpectedly bad Pimm’s hangovers have resulted in just six people turning up for work this week.”
Office manager Donna Sheridan said: “Pimm’s isn’t a proper drink like lager or vodka, so there’s no way the 33 glasses I drank at our barbecue could have contributed to me punching my sister-in-law in the face.
“And despite what the police say, I can’t believe my husband Clive would set fire to fourteen parked cars. He’s a chartered accountant.”
Today police were appealing for the safe return of ‘face of Pimm’s’ actor Alexander Armstrong, last seen being dragged from his car by a large group of drunken 50-something women in flattering summer dresses.