THE possession of poor quality cannabis is no longer against the law, the government has confirmed.
Possession of a bunch of brown seeds and sticks that could not get Peter Hitchens high will now be punished only by the disappointment of smoking them.
A government spokesman said: ”As every campaigner for Hemp Rights knows, The Man bans cannabis to stop the people quitting their jobs and astrally projecting to world peace.
“However, the majority of weed sold in the UK actually has a negative THC content, meaning that in the short-term smokers feel the urge to join the army and wash the car more often.
”And in the long-term, they give up on drugs because what’s the point?”
The decision also licences ineptly-produced homegrown plants dried in newspaper in an airing cupboard, the main effect of which is a hacking cough.
A police spokesman said: ”Smokers of crap weed will face no criminal penalty. Just abject derision.”