BRITAIN is in danger of going soft, experts have warned.
As researchers discover a 14% drop in people being hospitalised after a beating, there are fears that the UK’s indigenous fighting culture may be under threat.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Beating the shit out of each other is one thing we British excel at.
“If you can walk around a UK city or a Friday or Saturday night without the constant threat of unprovoked violence, you might as well be in Spain or another awful foreign country.
“We need to work out if people are getting less beatings, or if it’s the quality of the beatings that has diminished.
“Perhaps the government could do more to increase violence on a regional level, for example by sending everyone in Wiltshire a letter saying ‘Somerset says you are a poof’.”
33-year-old Tom Logan said: “I don’t do fighting myself, but I like feeling more evolved than those who do.
“The government needs to enforce 9-for-1 deals on WKD.”
Fighting fan Julian Cook said: “I enjoyed a fighting, beer and kebabs lifestyle. Unfortunately the latter two made me so obese that my knuckles are now soft and oily, like two big pats of butter.”