UKIP is to buy houses in Stevenage until it can take over the town and turn it into a self-governing mini-Britain.
Inspired by Aryan supremacists in North Dakota, the party believes that as soon as it owns more than half the buildings in the Hertfordshire borough it will be able to do whatever it wants.
A spokesman said: The current opinion polls suggest were not going to win any seats. Nobody knows why.
So, in order to satisfy our white-hot desire for total control, it will be easier for all concerned if we just buy a town.
We will swiftly turn Stevenage into a utopia, or as Nigel calls it a yook-topia. Everything in the town will be British. Well, English really. Were not savages.
Martin Bishop, a UKIP member from Didcot, said: I will load up the Qashqai with food and guns and head east, probably via Aylesbury. Some say it takes just under two hours.
I plan to make contact with some native estate agents. I have beads, tobacco and an agreement in principle from Santander.
As soon as I am settled, I will send for my wives.