Urinal neighbour wants to chat

A STRANGER who is standing beside you holding his penis wants to know if you are having a good night.

48-year-old urinating man Tom Booker initiated conversation in a pub toilet after breaking wind and declaring “better out than in”.

He said: “It’s alright in here, there’s loads of fanny. Where you from?”

Booker then heightened the already tense atmosphere by loudly observing that the occupier of the nearest cubicle was masturbating.

He added: “You’re not a gay are you?”

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Coca-Cola furious about everyone drinking each other's Cokes


THE Coca-Cola Company has ordered the world to stop consuming Cokes that bear other people’s names.

The manufacturer has pulled its product from shelves after research discovered that consumers were drinking any bottle as if they were not clearly labelled.

A Coca-Cola spokesman said: “Do you think we put a different name on each individual bottle for a laugh?

“I fail to see how we could have made it clearer.

“Now Sarah’s drinking Dan’s Coke, Dan’s drinking Brittany’s Coke, she’s drinking Jejomar’s – and we only made two of those – and the entire system breaks down. What a fucking waste of time.”

Coca-Cola has withdrawn all bottles from sale and purchases can now only be made in writing with your original birth certificate notarised by a solicitor.

Eleanor Shaw of Lampeter said: “I really couldn’t imagine living without Coke, but on closer reflection it’s a disgustingly sickly brown syrup so who cares.”