VETS are charging up to £70 to stick a needle in a cat, it has emerged.
Researchers found that despite not even being qualified to look after people, veterinary surgeons are charging large sums to perform animal operations that are revolting but probably not very hard.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Britons love their pets more than any human family members, so animal doctors charge a fucking fortune to keep them alive.
“They have absolutely no qualms about selling you special cat food, vitamin-enhanced goldfish water and expensive insurance that covers your dog for space travel.
“Then after making a big song and dance about your pet’s health, they’re quite happy to kill it for you when it gets a bit knackered.”
Vet Tom Booker said: “You have to study for five years, although a lot of that is playing rugby and having sex with agricultural students.
“You wouldn’t believe the creatures some people want me to heal. Someone brought in a rat the other day. A rat!
“Still, we got a couple of hundred quid for selling them some rat ointment.”