CHILDREN at a Sunday school are asking their vicar more and more difficult questions about the Bible, none of which he seems able to answer.
The class have subjected the book to the same rigorous analysis they use on Marvel movies and have found numerous inconsistencies which Reverend Tom Logan is unable to solve.
Nine-year-old Susan Traherne said: “We’re not asking complex stuff. It’s like, when God flooded the Earth why didn’t he punish the fish?
“Why did He send all those plagues to Egypt when He could have just freed the Israelites himself? Why does it all happen in the Middle East and never mention, like, China?
“Could the people building the Tower of Babel not just work out what each other were saying after he gave them all different languages? When I went to Lanzarote, I bought an ice-cream just by pointing.”
Reverend Logan said: “I’m brushing them off with the old ‘mysterious ways’ line, but these are internet kids. They’re Googling fan theories and not liking what they find.
“I’ve emailed the Archbishop of Canterbury, but I think we’re going to have to declare the whole thing non-canon and do a reboot. It worked for Spider-Man.”