Villages’ quirky Halloween celebrations also involve human sacrifice

RURAL villages that mark Halloween with funny old-fashioned ceremonies always kill someone at the end, it has emerged.

Folklorist Tom Logan said: “When you read about a village in Cornwall where they roll a burning tree stump down the street while all the children sing a song about somebody called ‘Puckle Jack’, it seems like eccentric traditional fun.

“They tend to gloss over the most vital part, which is the ritual murder.”

Logan highlighted the small Somerset town of Norton Cranwell, where everyone swaps special cakes and there is a procession down the high street involving ‘will ‘o’ the wisp’ lanterns with an old drunkard dressed as the ‘Green Man’.

“It all sounds like brilliant fun, tourists flock from around the world and write blogs about it.

“But when all the visitors have left they go up to a moor, have a big orgy and then chop somebody’s head off.”

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Immigration poll reveals Daily Mail working like a charm

THE Daily Mail has welcomed a poll which shows just how incredibly wrong British people are about levels of immigration.

The survey showed that most Britons believe immigration is much higher than it actually is, prompting the Mail to declare total victory.

Editor Paul Dacre said: “I really can bend reality to my will. It doesn’t matter how wrong it is, if I say it is so, in the minds of my readers it becomes so.

“I was actually thinking about retiring quite soon, but this changes everything.

“I must be some sort of god.”