Violent winds prompt everyone on flight to stare intently at the magazine

PASSENGERS on turbulent flights are pretending to read the in-flight magazine while inwardly shitting themselves.

As storms lash the UK, many flights are cancelled while many of those operating are very scary despite everyone acting like it is all fine.

46-year-old air passenger Norman Steele said: “When the plane is juddering violently and the hostesses are exchanging worried looks, I just pick up the slightly tattered magazine and read articles about vintage flea markets and Prague’s burgeoning cheese-making culture.

“Light, fun reading for people who definitely aren’t about to die.

“Only if you look closely will you notice my face has the pallor of pure terror.”

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Reasons why people get depressed in winter fairly obvious

RESEARCHERS into seasonal affective disorder believe it may be caused by everything being dark, cold and awful for months on end.

Neurologists believe the phenomenon of winter-based depression may be triggered by the season’s utterly dreadful nature.

Dr Mary Fisher said: “We thought it might be something to do with serotonin and neurotransmitters, but then I just looked at a picture of winter in the UK. It is horrible.

“Going home from work when it is pretty much dark, bent double against the wind trying to bite off your face and then coming home to find the boiler has packed in, these things can feasibly get one down.

“There was a brief moment of elation at the discovery but I do feel pretty miserable now, just thinking what it’s going to be like.

“Our laboratory building is quite nice too, with big windows. But imagine if you lived in Luton or somewhere like that, I don’t reckon I could handle it.”