Monday, 3rd August 2020

Visitors to immaculate house asked to ‘forgive the mess’

VISITORS to a completely spotless house have been asked to ‘forgive the mess’, it has emerged.

Carolyn Ryan welcomed guests into her fastidiously clean home  by pretending that it was a sh*t tip, despite having spent the previous week scrubbing every possible surface within an inch of its life.

Straightening a coaster, Ryan said: “It’s a shame you have to see everything in such a state of disarray.”

Visitor Tom Booker said: “My flat always has my tattered underwear out to dry and spaghetti stains on the ceiling.

“I think this obsessive cleanliness is a cover up for something.”

Ryan added: “It might seem weird to some people, but I think cleanliness is next to godliness. Just don’t go nosing around in the cistern because it’s full of dildos.”