PEOPLE from Wolverhampton have reassured everyone that they are perfectly happy despite their accents.
The city has been named the UK’s least prosperous place, mainly on the basis that everyone sounds pissed off.
Local resident Wayne Hayes said: “I was surprised because I told the researchers how much I loved Wolverhampton and how I had turned down job offers in London, Paris and Tokyo just to be there.
“In fact while I was with them I was told my wife had given birth to our first child. I told the researchers that I could never remember being so happy and that it was the best day of my life.
“Looking back I did think it was strange when the interviewer started crying and told me it would all be okay. I do seem to get this problem, maybe that’s why I lost that job as a motivational speaker.”
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Everyone we spoke to sounded like they had a cold.
“I tried to cheer them up by highlighting their city’s excellent facilities which include a 24 hour Asda.”