Wearing pyjamas on school run ‘frees up time for pointless bloody-minded arguments’

NOT changing out of your pyjamas saves vital time for bloody-minded disputes with perceived authority figures, parents have claimed.

After a headteacher criticised parents for wearing pyjamas on the school run, angry mums said they were already pressed for time due to similar inane quarrels with the local council, supermarkets and their GP.

Mum-of-two Donna Sheridan said: “Getting dressed would leave me with less time to spend at the council offices having a blazing row about some obscure aspect of wheelie bin collections.

“Today I’ve got to kick up a fuss in Tesco about the very same issue of my right to wear flimsy bedtime clothes in public, then go home and ring my GP demanding to know why I can’t have an appointment at 7pm on Sunday.

“These teachers have got no idea what it’s like to be a full-time mum in a permanent state of self-righteous outrage.”

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Lazy spare bedrooms despised by hard-working master bedrooms

HARD-WORKING master bedrooms have spoken out against idle spare bedrooms that do nothing but claim benefits.

Following spare bedrooms’ legal victory against the bedroom tax, bedrooms that put in at least eight hours every night have demanded that something be done about their work-shy neighbours.

Bedroom Tom Booker said: “It makes me furious to see them lounging around in their polyester bedclothes, all ‘Oh yeah, I’m a bedroom too, I just can’t find anyone to sleep in me,’ curtains still closed at noon.

“Every night I’ve got people sweating and shedding skin cells all over me, not to mention the sex, but I don’t complain because it’s my job.

“I know some have it even worse – the kids’ bedrooms, or the teenagers’ bedrooms with the black paint, recreational drugs, and self-abuse – but I don’t see why housing an exercise bike and a set of golf clubs gives them the right to call themselves bedrooms.

“Being converted to a home office is too good for them, in my opinion.”

Spare bedroom Nikki Hollis, appearing on The Jeremy Kyle Show, said: “I would be a full-time bedroom if I could.

“It’s not my fault I’m small and a bit of an awkward L-shape.”