A THREATENED joint Wetherspoon-McDonald’s strike could make the UK a decent place to live, experts have warned.
Sociologists believe industrial action by staff at the bottom-feeding chains could revitalise the high street, reduce alcoholism and tackle Britain’s obesity crisis.
Dr Helen Archer said: “The twin pillars that broken Britain is built on are cheap booze and greasy, horrible food. Take those away and our dystopia collapses into something altogether more pleasant.
“Without a shit pub in every town in the land, daytime drinkers will get jobs for something to do. Without a McDonald’s to inflate our children like balloons, society will become steadily healthier.
“Pressure on the NHS will fall. The EU, recognising that we no longer have pubs full of red-faced men talking bollocks about it, will give us a favourable deal on our terms.
“These noble strikers will make us a green and pleasant land once again. They are Britain’s heroes, like Sir Galahad but with deep fat fryers instead of swords.”
Wetherspoons chef Wayne Hayes said: “Yeah. However that all depends on me not getting an extra 20p an hour.”