A NEW public body called Great British Railways is to be in charge of doubling fares semi-annually. But how will it work?
What’s happening?
The biggest shake-up in rail travel since it all went to shit in the mid-1990s. Previous to that, British Rail sandwiches were a national joke. After that it was the trains themselves.
What is Great British Railways?
A state-owned body which will set timetables, manage rail infrastructure, sell tickets and most importantly shaft commuters with massively increased fares, year on year. Its name will completely halt the Scottish independence movement, Tories think.
Will it run the trains?
Of course not. That would be Stalinist. Instead it will work with private rail operators, notably the French and Dutch governments, to extract eye-watering profits from the British public so other countries’ state-owned rail stay nice and cheap.
What is it modelled on?
Transport for London. You know, the one that’s constantly raising fares well above the rate of inflation to the point that barristers earning £75k a year live in shared houses with weed dealers.
Who will run it?
No announcement yet, but it’ll be a Tory donor with no experience whatsoever of the rail industry but transferable skills from another monopoly where he made huge profits by vastly overcharging consumers while running it into the ground. They will announce their arrival with a 15 per cent fare rise.
Are there any positives?
New flexible monthly season tickets will save anyone who’s in the office twice a week money by allowing them to travel eight times a month.
That doesn’t sound like much of a positive for the biggest shake-up in rail travel in 30 years.
No, it f**king doesn’t.
