Wednesday, 12th May 2021

White bloke with dreadlocks turns out to be the hard kind

A WHITE man with dreadlocks assumed to be the trust-fund type was instead the hard dog-on-a-rope kind, a shaken man has confirmed. 

Tom Booker saw the man, who was wearing battered Converse trainers and smoking skunk, and assumed he could be safely mocked for his public school education only to find he was the other kind.

He said: “I walked over there with a light opening jibe about cultural appropriation and almost got my face booted in. How was I to know?

“It turns out that yes, while he DJs, he plays aggressive in-your-face gabba trance at traveller parties and didn’t take at all well to my suggestion that it was ‘positive conscious vibes’ for ‘trustafarians living in Daddy’s investment portfolio’.

“I then heard at length about the years he’d spent homeless, his ideological committment to squatting, and his embrace of Buddhism which why I wasn’t getting my head slammed against a wall.

“They should carry some kind of warning that they’re the fighting-police-on-a-demo kind of dreadlocked white man, not the asking-for-sponsorship-to-travel-around-Vietnam kind.

“That said I still managed to buy an eighth off him.”