White bloke with dreadlocks turns out to be the hard kind

A WHITE man with dreadlocks assumed to be the trust-fund type was instead the hard dog-on-a-rope kind, a shaken man has confirmed. 

Tom Booker saw the man, who was wearing battered Converse trainers and smoking skunk, and assumed he could be safely mocked for his public school education only to find he was the other kind.

He said: “I walked over there with a light opening jibe about cultural appropriation and almost got my face booted in. How was I to know?

“It turns out that yes, while he DJs, he plays aggressive in-your-face gabba trance at traveller parties and didn’t take at all well to my suggestion that it was ‘positive conscious vibes’ for ‘trustafarians living in Daddy’s investment portfolio’.

“I then heard at length about the years he’d spent homeless, his ideological committment to squatting, and his embrace of Buddhism which why I wasn’t getting my head slammed against a wall.

“They should carry some kind of warning that they’re the fighting-police-on-a-demo kind of dreadlocked white man, not the asking-for-sponsorship-to-travel-around-Vietnam kind.

“That said I still managed to buy an eighth off him.”

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Moron thinks everything is an 'ad hominem' attack

A MAN who uses the expression ‘ad hominem’ whenever anyone disagrees with him has no idea what it means, it has emerged.

Martin Bishop believes he is a victim of ad hominem attacks – in which an opponent criticises someone’s character rather than their argument – on a daily basis, and is wrong 90 per cent of the time.

He said: “I was arguing on Twitter with an idiot who refused to accept that Captain Marvel is the best Marvel film. He said I was wrong. That’s clearly ad hominem.

“When I told him to stop making ad hominem attacks he had the nerve to say I didn’t know what it meant, which is itself an ad hominem attack.

“Then today my boss said I needed to stop arguing on Twitter during working hours. I just said ‘pathetic ad hom mate’ and he looked confused. He’s probably not used to arguing with someone who knows brainy Latin words.”

Co-worker Nikki Hollis said: “Martin wrongly thinks ‘ad hominem’ applies to everything. He got a parking ticket recently and called the council ‘money-grubbing ad hominem bastards’.

“Though when I tell people to ignore everything Martin says because he is a dense, pretentious twat, that is an ad hominem attack. But also true.”