Woman cheating on husband with video of Tom Hardy reading children's stories

A WOMAN has admitted to cheating on her husband with a video of Tom Hardy reading the Bedtime Story on CBeebies.

Emma Bishop told her husband Martin that she had not been staying late at work or going away to see her sister in Stevenage, she had just been sitting in a hotel room watching Tom Hardy.

Emma Bishop said: “He’s just so bloody lovely. I can’t stop myself from watching it and frankly I have no plans to.”

Martin Bishop added: “I can’t compete with Tom Hardy. I can’t even compete with a short, god damn video of Tom Hardy.”

Emma Bishop said she was keen to have an ‘open relationship’ with Martin but if she has to choose then he ‘probably won’t like the answer he gets’.

She added, “What’s great about the video of Tom Hardy reading a bedtime story is that it’s just fun. Just the two of us having fun, together.

“He doesn’t want anything from me and all I want from him is to sit there while I look at him thinking ‘You are just so bloody lovely’.”

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Thatcher and Reagan was beautiful romance that made us fear for our lives, explain 40-somethings

MIDDLE-AGED Britons have explained to young people that Reagan and Thatcher shared a beautiful eight-year romance that almost triggered armageddon.

Across the UK, young people are learning about the Cowboy and the Iron Lady whose passion was so great they wanted it to burn the whole world.

Tom Booker, from Croydon, said: “You see, only one thing threatened their perfect affair in a free-market paradise: communists, meaning ‘anyone who disagreed with them’.

“So they decided that, rather than their love be ruined by their enemies, they would cleanse the earth with nuclear fire and be king and queen in the glowing ashes.

“Sadly the cowboy was very forgetful and the iron lady went mad, and our lives had to continue. But now, with Trump and May, that love has a second chance.”