Woman decides train is perfect place to have incredibly personal phone conversation

A WOMAN has decided that a crowded train with constantly dropping signal is the perfect location to loudly conduct a deeply private phone conversation.

Emma Bradford phoned best friend, Nikki Hollis, on her commute from West Hampstead to Borehamwood, to discuss her recent break up.

She said: “I should have seen it coming. We hadn’t had sex in months and the one time we tried he couldn’t get hard.

“I was thinking about it all at my smear test last week and… Nikki? Nikki are you still there? Hello? Nikki?

“Hey babe, sorry about that. Tunnel. Where was I? Oh yeah so she was inserting the speculum and I realised it was more action than I’d had in… Nikki? You there babe? Hello?

Fellow commuter Nathan Muir said: “I got off a stop early. Now I have to get an Uber home. It’s fine.”

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Best man's speech hits just the wrong note

A BEST man’s speech did not strike just the right balance between risque humour and poor taste, it has emerged.

Wayne Hayes’ speech about groom Tom Logan was unpleasant, embarrassing and left new bride Rachel Logan with doubts about the future of their marriage.

Wedding guest Nikki Hollis said: “The bit about Tom’s food poisoning in Tenerife was gross. I don’t think anyone wanted to know there was diarrhoea coming out of his shorts.

“Then Wayne dredged up some nasty argument Rachel’s dad had with Tom about him drinking too much. Luckily that was mostly just confusing.

“The real tumbleweed moment was how Tom needed counselling after some Australian woman broke off their engagement in 2010. She looked like Keira Knightley, apparently.”

However Hayes defended the speech: “People were really paying attention during the bit about Tom almost dying from meningitis when he was six. I knew that was a good story.

“I managed to reference all his ex-girlfriends, including that woman Eva who was about 30 years older than him. And I still managed to fit in him failing his degree.”

Tom Logan said: “I’d kind of assumed Wayne would focus more on things like our hilariously useless amateur football team, not my £24,000 debts.”