Five ways you can be an arse when someone else is talking

WHETHER someone is hosting a meeting or telling a story, they are taking precious attention away from you. Here are five handy ways you can get the focus back on yourself by being an absolute shit.

Interrupt with an irrelevant question

Aren’t great stories horrible? The way they enrapture everyone around the table but you. Best to wait to the crescendo of the tale then butt in with an irrelevant question. It’s the narrative equivalent of a hard kick in the genitals.

Yawn

Yawns are as infectious as herpes. You can kill any atmosphere created with a really loud yawn as soon as someone starts speaking. Obviously apologise but in the full realisation your work is already done.

Eye-roll

Managing people is really hard, so if you feel someone is hosting a meeting well undermine them with eye-rolls. It’s amazing how you can convey to everyone in the room that the person speaking is a dick just with your ratty little eyeballs.

Teeth suck

Like the eye-roll but with enhanced audio. Sucking on your teeth is brilliant for showing your disdain for a speaker by making a weird, really annoying little sound that could pass as you just trying to remove some ham from your head.

Coughing fit

Your dinner party host is being really charming. Stop them dead with a coughing fit, which you can amp up by asking everyone if they think the room is really hot too? A few innocuous complaints later and you’re the centre of attention again.