Woman devastated over split with ex's Netflix account

A WOMAN who broke up with her boyfriend has been left heartbroken by the loss of his Netflix account.

Emma Bradshaw, 31, had been in a relationship with Tom Logan for two years before realising the only reason they were together was so that she could find out what happened at the end of Breaking Bad.

Bradshaw said: “Whenever we did other things that he thought were nice, like going out for dinner, I just felt dead inside and wished we were doing something a bit more romantic, like watching eight solid hours of Rupaul’s Drag Race.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore when he’d rather have sex rather than watch the 297th episode of The Big Bang Theory, like some kind of pervert.”

She added: “I know I dumped him but when I found out he’d changed the password and blocked my access, I felt betrayed.

“I am dating again though. Don’t care about looks, sense of humour or personality. He just needs to have enough money for Netflix and a fuck off massive telly.”

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Couple attempt to get properly drunk on Baileys

A COUPLE are planning to spend tonight investigating whether it is possible to get seriously drunk on Baileys alone. 

Iain and Carolyn Ryan of Warwick have laid in two litre bottles of the popular cream-based liqueur and have vowed to drink ‘as much as it takes’ to get properly, staggeringly intoxicated.

Carolyn said: “We’ve been planning this all year.

“The idea came up last January, when we were finishing a bottle which had more in than we’d thought and found ourselves more than a little squiffy.

“What, we hypothesised, would it be like if we treated Baileys not just as an apertif or nightcap but as the main booze of the evening? Would we be able to get hardcore falling-down pissed?

“Tonight, nothing but the 17 per cent alcohol in that creamy Irish goodness will be getting us shitfaced. Will it be a smooth, mellow drunk or a bloated, sickly one?

She added: “We’ve laid aside the whole of tomorrow for throwing up. We’re not fools.”