Woman excited to enter marketing demographic for incontinence products

A WOMAN is celebrating after getting her first targeted internet adverts for bladder-related products.

Mary Fisher, who recently turned 33, received the pop-up advert for ‘LadyFresh Towels’ that help you ‘feel confident around the clock, even in high-pressure work situations’.

Although initially unsure what the product was, it soon become clear that it was aimed at ladies of a specific age.

Fisher said: “I thought I was still young-ish, but the internet disagrees.

“Before today my adverts were for glamorous holidays, cool albums and some sort of pamper day where they put hot stones on you.

“Now apparently the internet thinks I regularly piss myself. I don’t know where to feel horrified or intrigued.”

Fisher then clicked on the advert, which triggered a video showing a woman in her 40s doing a well-received work presentation without fear of leakage.

She added: “To be fair she really nailed it and ‘got the contract’. Maybe I should get some of these pads, if only as a good luck thing.”

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ISIS wondering where insane medieval fantasy project went wrong

ISIS members are baffled as to why their brand of medieval religious oppression and global terrorism did not succeed, they have revealed.

Surviving jihadis are wondering if publicly announcing they would kill anyone who did not submit to a horrendous way of life may have limited the movement’s appeal.

ISIS fighter Ahmed Al-Jazrawi said: “Looking back, I think antagonising absolutely everyone in the world probably wasn’t the smartest move.

“The strong possibility of being killed by a US drone or dozens of other enemies definitely created recruitment challenges that don’t exist for, say, Asda.

“We also failed to sell the idea of living in a backward religious dictatorship. I think that’s a bit of a turn-off for people who don’t like being flogged all the time.”

Fellow jihadi Abdullah Mohammed said: “With hindsight, setting up a global Islamic state was overambitious. We should have started somewhere smaller, like Wales.

“I’d assumed we’d trigger the apocalypse and God would sort everything out, but it turns out ancient prophecies aren’t very reliable.”