Woman finds cystitis is welcome distraction from Brexit

A WOMAN is finding her latest bout of cystitis is a welcome distraction from Brexit.

Nikki Hollis is suffering from an increasingly severe urinary tract infection, which she has discovered is still considerably less uncomfortable than listening to Theresa May flounder in Parliament.

She said: “Usually when this happens I end up praying for it to end as soon as possible, but this time it’s actually a relief.

“My urethra feels like it’s on fire, I’ve been to the toilet 20 times already today and I did pass out briefly from the pain, but at least it’s taking my mind off the backstop question.

“And it’s nice to have an achievable goal, like no longer pissing molten lava, rather than whatever the hell the government is trying to do.”

Other UK citizens reported similar relief from stubbed toes, mouth ulcers and being punched in the testicles.