Woman in Starbucks waiting for you to use the loo just so she can knock on the door when you’re in there

A WOMAN is waiting patiently for you to enter the toilet in Starbucks just so she can let you know that other people would like to use it at some point.

33-year-old Tracy Jones said: “I don’t even need the toilet, I just enjoy stressing other people out when they’re trying to relieve themselves.

“In this world, you’ve got to assert yourself and make sure your voice is heard, and for me that’s knocking very loudly on the cubicle door.

“I feel duty bound to let you know that there might be someone waiting outside, and you’re being utterly selfish by taking a suspiciously long time in there.

She added: “Sometimes I throw in a ‘can you hurry up please?’ if I’m feeling really brave and I don’t make you sufficiently uncomfortable.

“Ultimately, I’m just trying to help.”

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Having a female leader is simply not credible, confirms Labour

HAVING a woman in a leading role that has always been filled by a man is just not credible, the Labour Party has confirmed.

The Labour leader traditionally regenerates every time they lose an election, usually into an old white man and often involving a a lot of repeats from the 1970s.

However, in an exciting change, at the end of the last election the latest leader was shown refusing to regenerate into Yvette Cooper, leading to renewed speculation about the nature of Labour Party space-time.

Die-hard fans of the long-running party insisted that changing the leader into a woman would be a stupid idea when the one they have got has at least three more series in him.

Jeremy Corbyn supporter Tom Logan. said: “If people want a female leader why don’t they start their own party?

“I’m not threatened by the idea, but why change it just for the sake of political correctness?”