Woman leaves house with unmoisturised face

A WOMAN has ventured outside without moisturising her face, it has been confirmed.

Nikki Hollis, from Stevenage, left for work without going through a thorough six-step program that involved a succession of overpriced unguents.

Local man Wayne Hayes said: “I’ve seen the adverts so I know you’re not supposed to neglect your t-zone, so when I saw she had some dry patches on her forehead I was sick into a bin.

“I’ve been married to my wife for 18 years and I’ve never seen her without three layers of oil on her face. To walk down the street like that was a disgrace.”

Neighbour Holly Turnbull said: “You live next door to somebody and think you know them and the next minute they’ve got blackheads.

“This country’s going to hell.”

Hollis said: “I’m sorry but I slept in and only had 45 minutes to get ready this morning.”

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Letting agents 'as highly trained as brain surgeons'

LETTING agents charge a lot because it takes years of training to master printing out a contract, it has been claimed.

People who are struggling to afford a place to live expressed anger at being asked to pay upwards of £200 for the kind of basic admin an 11-year-old could do, prompting letting agents to hit back.

Agent Tom Logan said: “You might assume that because there’s so much demand and so little supply we’re just taking the full-on piss, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Letting agents are highly skilled professionals who have trained for years to be able to perform complicated actions like clicking ‘print’, picking up a phone and speaking into it, and creating lengthy chains of confusing emails.

“Whilst a credit check costs about £30, the actual act of me ringing up the credit check company and asking them to do it is an incredibly complicated task akin to defusing a bomb, which is why we stick on an extra £120 for the service.

“However, I don’t charge for being a belligerent little shit. I chuck that in for free.”