A WOMAN has invented an entirely new phonetic alphabet over the course of one phone call, it has emerged.
Eleanor Shaw unexpectedly became a pioneer of language abbreviation while on a call to her energy provider during which she forgot that A is Alpha, along with all the other letters.
She said: “They asked me to spell my name, but I panicked and forgot the weird alphabet that anally-retentive military types use. I started to freestyle it then quickly realised I was out of my depth.
“Things started questionably as I began with ‘E for epilepsy’. The dead air on the other end of the line made things worse, and I scrambled to fill the void by opting for ‘L for lube’. The line was bad, so I had to shout that one three times.
“By the time I got to my surname my brain was fried. ‘S for ceiling’ was the best I could manage, before I broke down in tears and pleaded with him to start throwing out some suggestions and put me out of my misery. I was dying on my arse out there.”
Call taker Ryan Whittaker said: “I was about to step in when Eleanor started going off-piste and using letters outside of her name. ‘X for xenacious’ was a personal favourite. So many people go for predictable old xylophone.
“Sadly I couldn’t find her records though and had to cut her off.”