Woman panics after discovering hairdressers don't swear oath of secrecy

A WOMAN is panicking after finding out that her hairdresser is under no legal or ethical obligation to keep their conversations confidential.

Emma Bradford said: “I was fooled by all the wise nodding and sage advice. I basically thought she was a counsellor with scissors.

“I’ve just found out she could open her trap at any point and nothing would happen to her.

“I have told her everything. This is very bad indeed.”

Hairdresser Nikki Hollis said: “I’ve never pretended to be any kind of a therapist, but Emma’s a £130 a month client, so when she tells me about sleeping with her brother in law and the fact that she’s been illegally working cash in hand for the last year, who am I to stop her?

“I know where all the bodies are buried. Not literally. Well… maybe literally.

Bradford later Googled ‘how to take a hit out on your hairdresser’ followed by ‘do hitmen take an oath of secrecy?’.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Everyone wondering if man with flowers is old-school romantic or cheating shitbag

A MAN carrying flowers has prompted speculation about whether he is a sensitive romantic or a lying, cheating sack of shit.

The unidentified male crossed a busy high street while holding a bunch of colourful blooms, inspiring other pedestrians to leap to conclusions about his situation.

Mother-of-two Nikki Hollis, 33, said: “He’s obviously done something wrong, blokes don’t just shell out for flowers for no reason.

“My money is on him either getting caught at a strip club or trying to bang a co-worker. He looks the type. I hate those kind of guys.”

Fellow observer Tom Booker said: “Oh god, he’s one of those over-the-top, flowers-and-chocolate romantic types.

“They’re always going too far, showing the rest of us up. I hate those kind of guys.”

However florist Emma Bradford said: “When he came in earlier he said he just liked flowers and could I suggest something simple and classy to brighten up his house.

“Not an unreasonable request to make of a florist, but even so I just instinctively hated him.”