Woman who calls all her exes 'mental' hasn't realised she is common denominator

A WOMAN angry that none of her relationships ever work has failed to take into account that she comprises 50 per cent of them.

Carolyn Ryan, aged 33, complains endlessly about all of the dreadful bastards she has dated who have ruined everything while not realising there is a single linking factor.

She said: “Ever since my first boyfriend, who left me because I had that very brief thing with his dad, it’s been an endless parade of unreasonable heartbreakers.

“All my friends have managed to remain in stable, long term relationships with sane partners, but I just seem to attract nutjobs who freak out at me for no reason when I’ve borrowed their car for a few days. Because I needed it.”

Ryan added: “Usually I dump them as soon as I detect a fault, but a few have finished with me.

“One guy claimed talking to me made him feel like he was losing his mind. What a weirdo.”

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Otherwise intelligent man believes he is good at betting on sport

A SEEMINGLY rational man has boasted about his talent for gambling on sporting events.

Tom Logan appears to be a fully functional adult human being, but when talking to friends and colleagues he frequently reiterates his belief that he is ‘good at betting’.

Friend Emma Bradford said: “It’s like meeting a grown adult who believes in the Easter Bunny.

“Tom talks about his bets it’s as if he’s in The Big Short, a savant using his unique gift to beat the system.

“The reality of it is that he ‘sort of fancied Arsenal would beat Huddersfield’ and he bets on Wigan in rugby league every week because they were really good back in the 90s when he last saw a game.

“I’m sure the bookies are quaking in their boots.”

Although he regales anyone who would listen with tales of his successful Premier League accumulator placed six years ago, Logan makes much less of his string of ‘dead certs’ that oddly did not come to pass.

He said: “The bookies may have their algorithms and their full-time researchers, but I have something much more powerful – a gut instinct.

“I do lose the odd bet. It’s still a lot of fun though, because betting shops have such a vibrant, uplifting atmosphere.”