Workers’ carrot to remain slightly out of reach


GEORGE Osborne has announced that the carrot you want will remain tantalisingly beyond your grasp for a little longer.

The chief vegetable-dangler said: “You can’t have it yet…but soon. Like when you’re 68, or 78, something 8.

“Just a bit more work. A few more years.

“It is a lovely carrot though. Such a deep orange colour.”

Osborne denied that he would keep moving the carrot indefinitely: “You will get it slightly before you die.

“Then it will all have been worth it.”

39-year-old office worker Tom Logan said: “By the time I get this bloody carrot I won’t have any teeth left and will only be able to feebly suck it.”