Worker’s ID badge photo shows them as a young and happy person with dreams

AN OFFICE worker’s ID badge photo shows them 20 years ago when they thought they’d only be there six months.

Sales administrator Susan Traherne’s lanyard has a picture on her as a young woman with thick lustrous hair, firm skin and bright happy eyes.

She said: “I remember when this photo was taken. It was a glorious summer day when the world seemed full of opportunity. I was having a lot of sex at the time.

“I remember thinking I’d be six months max at this boring job, before I’d saved enough to bugger off to Australia and marry a millionaire.

“Actually I did make it to Australia for a month, but sadly you don’t get that many millionaires in backpacking hostels.

“Since then I’ve processed a lot of invoices, drunk a lot of tea and spent many hours staring out of this window.”

She added: “There’s no hope for me now, but there might be for you.”


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Grammar schools not prioritising middle class pupils enough, say middle class parents

MIDDLE CLASS pupils are not getting enough help to be the best at everything, say their parents. 

Research has shown a minority of grammar schools waste valuable time helping poor children who will not appreciate it, prompting concern among better-off parents with children struggling to fulfil their potential. 

Dr Helen Archer of Rugby said: “We’d all like to be the teacher who gives a bright star from the underclass the self-belief she needs to get into Cambridge, but let’s face it, it’ll never happen. 

“Even if it did the child would probably be overwhelmed by the weight of tradition, start dealing drugs and drop out or worse still end up doing manual work, while my Iain would cope very well with it all apart from his academic shortcomings. 

“Personal tutoring five night a week could send him to Oxford and with our connections, he’d be special advisor to a Tory MP within five years and a cabinet minister in 15.”

Archer’s son Iain said: “At the moment I’m mainly just into wanking.”