Boss admits staff not really like a family to him

A BOSS’S claim that his staff are like a family to him has collapsed under very little scrutiny.

Company director Norman Steele made the seemingly heartfelt claim at his monthly staff meeting.

However employees were unconvinced because all he does is make them work really hard for the smallest possible amount of money.

Employee Tom Logan said: “I’m going through a divorce, and if this is a family Norman would let me sleep on his sofa for an unspecified amount of time.

“But I asked him and he just said ‘who are you again?’.

Steele later clarified his statement: “Well, not a family exactly. If we were family, I couldn’t sack you.

Well, I could. I sacked my brother for turning up late, so let that be a lesson to all of you.”


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All chip shops lying about being world-famous

NO chip shop is world-famous, it has been confirmed.

Despite many chip shops claiming to be ‘world-famous’, researchers found that not one single fish and chip outlet is nearly as well-known as Frank Sinatra or the Eiffel Tower.

Bedford Chip shop proprietor Bill McKay said: “We claim we’re world-famous because David Hasselhoff once came in and drunkenly asked for directions to somewhere else.

“We got a picture of the back of his head which we have given pride of place behind the counter.

“Everyone asks about it, not least David himself when he came back in the night after to apologise for his behaviour and ask if anyone had picked up his phone.”

The Ocean Catch in Stevenage was also claiming global fame on its menu leaflets until they realised that everyone photographed on their ‘celebrity customer wall’ was currently under investigation by the police.

Owner Mary Fisher said: “It just makes the place look a bit infamous, like they were using it as somewhere to meet or something.”