A YOUNG person has decided they will not fall into the trap of getting old like their parents and grandparents did.
17-year-old Oli O’Connor has taken a look at everyone over 25, concluded they are repellent creatures with outdated attitudes who should be ashamed of their own decrepitude, and vowed never to let it happen to him.
He said: “I know I’m going to technically get older, obviously. I’m not a f**king idiot, unlike my dad.
“But as long as I keep up my skincare routine, still like cool new music and keep the flame of my revolutionary political beliefs burning, I think even at 30 I’ll be indistinguishable from an 18-year-old.
“It baffles me that people allow themselves to slip into old age. It’s so cringe when my mum sings along to Britpop shit that’s a million years old. Like, does she not realise?
“Or when dad’s all interested in interest rates because of ‘how it affects the mortgage’. So shameful. There is no way I’ll ever give more than zero f**ks about that shit. And I’ll never stop watching shows about high school kids exploring their sexuality. Why would I?”
He added: “It’s such a shame for old people. Probably they were never really young anyway because they didn’t have TikTok or memes. Thank God it’ll never happen to me.”