MODERN men have been warned that their fathers could easily kick the shit out of them.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that the softening effects of desk jobs, media-induced vanity and fancy holidays had left men physically inferior to their ageing fathers.
Teacher Tom Logan said: “I mocked my 64-year-old father for wearing some chinos he had ordered from a newspaper advert.
“Within a split second I found myself in a vice-like headlock. I tried to wriggle out but it was like being caught in the branches of a wrinkly tree.”
40-year-old Plumber Roy Hobbs said: “I borrowed my dad’s strimmer without asking. When he demanded it back I denied all knowledge, so he kicked my arse.
“I tried crawling into the kitchen but he grabbed my leg and dragged me back. I thought I was going to die.
“It’s mad because he wears shoes done up with Velcro.”
Hobbs’s father Eric said: “I don’t want to hurt any younger men. I just want to do gardening and watch documentaries about steam engines.
“But if they fuck with me I will destroy them.”