Teenage Boys Welcome 'Scandinavian-Style' Education

TEENAGE boys across the country were applauding the Liberal Democrats last night after they pledged to introduce Scandinavian teaching methods to the Scottish education system.

Boys aged 11 to 16 are now anticipating text books and lesson plans based on blonde ladies, extreme friendliness and a refreshingly different attitude to clothes.

Lib Dem leader Nicol Stephen said: "Scandinavia offers much that is attractive and I am, after all, just a man like any other, except perhaps Nora Radcliffe."

Jason Black, 14, from Eyemouth, said: "I don't know that much about Scandinavia, but what I do know sounds totally brilliant."

His friend, Kyle Davidson, also 14, added: "Totally brilliant. Totally, totally brilliant."

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Lib Dems Unveil 'Panto Stars For A Federal Britain'

THE Liberal Democrats received an election boost today as the greats of Scottish pantomime threw their weight behind slightly more powers for the Holyrood Parliament.

Party leader Nicol Stephen unveiled a list of more than five panto stars who were aware of the Lib Dem policy and were willing to say so.

"This is a tremendous endorsement for our strategy of telling people what's in our manifesto and hoping they are paying attention.

"These are the pantomime stars who built modern Scotland. Oh yes they are. Oh no they're not? Oh Yes They Are."

Stephen added: "Do you want to know where the Lib Dems are? They're behind you."

Allan Stewart, who has been slowly transforming into Widow Twankey since the mid 1980s, said: "The Lib Dems make me laugh and what's more important than that? Ross Finnie is such a jolly wee chap. Quite irresistible."

Andy Gray, who triumphed as Hamish McFly in the 2005 Edinburgh production of Mother Goose, said: "The Lib Dems posted me their manifesto last week. I thought it was very well designed and the words were very easy to read. I certainly understood what they were saying."

Gerard Kelly, star of Cinderella at the Pavilion Theatre since 1923, said: "Alex Salmond is not Buttons. I am Buttons."