TOP-secret documents left on a Surrey commuter train could have been picked up by anyone, even a Frenchman, MPs said last night.
The powerful home affairs select committee has called for an urgent inquiry after France came closer than ever to discovering Britain's opinions about Al Qaeda.
Committee vice-chairman, Sir Denys Finch-Hatton, said: "These documents are clearly marked, 'For Everyone's Eyes – EXCEPT THE FRENCH!
"Due to its refusal to drop cluster bombs on brown people, France has made itself Al-Qaeda's key ally in Europe. All those riot police clubbing the bejesus out of Algerian teenagers is fooling no-one.
"So why, on earth, were these documents left on a train that was not only carrying hundreds of potential Frenchman, but was even heading in the general direction of France?"
MI5 is currently tracking up to 2000 known Frenchman across the South East of England and officials believe there may be as many as 30 active plots to do French things on British soil.
Mr Finch-Hatton added: "I'd like to spend an entire weekend massaging baby oil into Carla Bruni's naked, quivering buttocks as much as the next man, but that doesn't mean… er… that doesn't mean… I'm sorry, I seem to have lost my train of thought."