MILLIONS of people across the world have been denied the chance to use
up the best part of their morning staring at the gloopy contents of
Osama Bin Laden’s ruptured head.
The White House has blocked the release of graphic photos of the Al Qaeda leader’s dead body, forcing office workers to scour YouTube for a video of a horribly fat child singing badly.
Helen Archer, from Darlington, said: “I had set aside an hour and a half between half hour coffee breaks to be both horrified and mesmerised by it.
“Obama’s refusal to allow me to be diverted temporarily by this gory freak show makes me think he was probably born in Kenya.”
She added: “Look at fatty singing like a moron.”
Stephen Malley, from Hatfield, said: “The photograph is a vitally important historical document that I could email to all my friends with the subject line ‘fucking mental!’.”
And Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress from Guildford, added: “Unless I see the inside of someone’s skull I refuse to believe they are dead.
“I have been arrested in over two dozen cemeteries.”
Meanwhile online experts attacked the president’s decision to withhold fake photos of a Bin Laden impersonator made-up to look like he has had the top of his head blown off.
Roy Hobbs, who thinks you are so naive, said: “How can you kill someone who never existed?
“The Bin Laden you ‘think’ you ‘know’ is actually a part-time actor called Trevor Armstrong. He was in a Vodafone advert last year. Vodafone was rather too quick to deny it.”
He added: “Carlyle Group, Bildergburgers, Haliburton, Protocols of the Elders of Zebulon obviously.
“I would say the loneliness reaches a peak around mid-July.”