Fat, balding office manager believes we need a good war

A GOOD solid war would do away with many of the ills of modern society, according to an 55-year-old office manager who weighs 18 stone. 

Martin Bishop, who is red-faced and sweating after walking from the car park, believes that millenials ‘don’t know they’re born’ and need the ‘bloody wake-up call’ that armed conflict could provide.

He continued: “Young people nowadays. Complaining they’ll never be able to afford to buy a house, and yet they’ve always got enough money to spend on iPhones and ‘brunch’.

“What they need is a good stint on the frontlines, teach them what life’s really about. They wouldn’t whine about unpaid internships when they were being mortared.

“When I was their age we were fighting in the Falklands. Not me personally, but I own a lot of books about it so I know all too well what it was like. What we suffered.”

Colleage Steve Malley, aged 22, said: “Initially I was against it. But at this stage I’d take a war if it meant I wouldn’t end up like Martin.”