Go f**k yourselves, say experts who pointed out link between populism and war

EXPERTS who stressed the historic link between populism and the threat of war have told everyone to go fuck themselves.

As Britain raised the prospect of a war with Spain and Donald Trump set out his desire to annihilate North Korea, experts said they were ‘just so incredibly surprised’.

Julian Cook, author of Wars and How They Happen, said: “Every day for the last two years I have told anyone who will listen that populists really love the idea of war.

“And every fucking day all these arseholes were like, ‘what do you know, you so-called expert?’.

“No, you’re right, you’re all geniuses and I’ve only been studying this for 30 fucking years. You can all shit off.”

Meanwhile, foreign secretary Boris Johnson has insisted that ‘War with Spain’ was written on the side of his bicycle during the Brexit campaign.

He added: “The letters had to be very small to fit on the crossbar of my Grifter.”

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Jamiroquai now seems okay compared to modern knobheads

JAMIROQUAI now seems alright compared to the many bigger knobs who are around, it has emerged.

The jazz-funk singer seemed like a massive knobhead in the 90s, when he was widely mocked for his stupid headwear and cocksure demeanour.

However when seen in recent times, the shocking revelation hit that he now seems pretty tolerable compared to modern industrial-strength knobs like Donald Trump, Timothee Chalamet and Ed Sheeran.

Music fan Nikki Hollis said: “I used to think that bloke from Jamiroquai was the biggest knob drawing breath. But there are so many knobs around these days that I doubt he’s even in the top eight million.

“For starters, he clearly loves Stevie Wonder so there’s no way he could be racist. And those hats, although ridiculous, are these days more of an endearing way of over-compensating for male pattern baldness.

“Today he wouldn’t even be the biggest knob in my local pub. That’s hard to say about someone who calls himself a ‘space cowboy’, but it’s true.”