Russia trying to dominate Top Trumps

RUSSIA’S new supersonic bomber is part of its bid to have all the best Top Trumps cards, according to experts.

Analysts fear that Vladimir Putin’s new Blackjack bomber, with impressive statistics including a range of 7,600 miles, will be unbeatable in the ‘Warplanes’ edition of Top Trumps.

Card games analyst Stephen Malley said: “The Blackjack has a bigger wingspan, length and payload than other bombers. Although it probably will be shit at actually flying, it’s all about the statistics on those little shiny cards.

“If it met the UK’s Typhoon in the Top Trumps arena our plane could only hope to equal it on speed, causing both cards to get put in the middle of the table.

“This is a typically Russian attempt to manipulate one of the West’s favourite family games.”

Russia is also currently developing a tank that is longer, wider and heavier than any existing tank, and a new movie monster called Supermegamegadon that is bigger and has 16 per cent more ‘killing power’ than anything out of Godzilla.