THE spiders living in a suburban house have broken their truce with the human co-occupants by entering the forbidden zone of the bedroom.
Tom Logan was woken by wife, Clare, to hear the grave report that a spider had been sighted under the wardrobe, breaching the terms of the human-arachnid treaty.
He said: “It’s the news I hoped I’d never hear.
“We’ve lived in a state of fragile peace since the infamous shower incursion of 2016, but this is a clear, unmistakable act of aggression from the spiders.
“I kept to our unspoken agreement by removing the offender with a glass and a postcard, letting it live, but if any are seen closer to the bed I will terminate with extreme prejudice.
“The spiders have their territory in the attic and under the stairs and we respect that, only entering once a year. But this is different. It knew exactly what it was doing.
“War is hell.”
Spider Stephen Malley said: “Yeah, we’ve elected a new hardline leader on a platform of taking the bedroom for our own. Sorry about that. Move out peacefully, or else.”