Sweden looking for submarine in G4, G6 and C2

SWEDEN has dropped depth charges in three squares of the Baltic in an attempt to hit a Russian submarine.

The nation has already scored one hit but is unable to tell if it is on a submarine, a submarine full of little men or a full battle fleet preparing to invade.

General Sverker Goranson said: “It’s very frustrating.

“We know there’s something out there, because we got a boom sound and put a little red peg into our battle machine, but we can’t seem to find it.”

Russian president Vladimir Putin is dropping depth charges of his own, but has been unable to hit anything because the Swedish Navy’s boats are all currently in harbour for orgies.

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Bus driver only discriminates against people who do not have the exact fare

A BUS driver has confirmed that he welcomes passengers of all races, creeds and sexual orientations provided they do not try to pay with a note.

Following allegations of a gay couple being kicked off a bus for kissing, Bristol driver Tom Booker said his bus is for everyone, as long as they have the exact money for their fare and it is ready in their hand.

“My passengers are free to express themselves as they wish, provided they are respectful of others. I positively encourage diversity and a ‘rainbow tribe’ mentality aboard my vehicle.

“That is unless they want me to break a twenty, in which case they must fuck off.

“I actually keep a mallet under the seat for people who expect change.”