TALIBAN forces in southern Afghanistan were in retreat last night after a fresh offensive by Britain's nancy boy actors.
The absolute darlings flounced into combat late last week and took-up a series of extremely limp-wristed positions along the Helmand River.
After applying some moisturiser and waxing their chests, they began wave after wave of beastly, high-pitched attacks on key Taliban targets.
An Army spokesman said: "They were soooo well organised. Each platoon wore colour-coded bandanas and everyone had plenty of mineral water.
"There was a slight hitch when 'C' company forgot their motivation, but we just sat them down and said, 'the Taliban are all smelly and evil and you're the big, tough soldier who's avenging the death of a very close personal friend'.
"Major Everett was especially brave, sneaking up on this really butch Taliban fighter and then slapping him very hard on the upper arm until they both started crying.
"Then they sat down and watched St Trinian's until the Taliban fellow shot himself."
He added: "Major Everett is understandably very shaken by the whole experience and has retired to his tent with a Cadbury's Chocolate Orange and a copy of Tatler."