Trident ‘only effective against Labour party’

TRIDENT is useless apart from making the Labour party look like pacifist weirdoes, one of Britain’s top generals has warned.

Experts increasingly believe the missile system has no value against conventional forces or terrorism but is 100 per cent deadly when directed at Labour’s electoral chances.

General Sir Norman Steele said: “All the Tories need to do is raise the issue then sit back and watch the devastation as Labour tries to be anti-nuclear, pro-nuclear and incredibly patriotic at the same time.

“As Labour starts arguing viciously with itself there’s likely to be an anti-Trident demonstration full of aggressive protesters and dreadful juggling hippies who instantly alienate normal people.

“Meanwhile, some Labour MPs will decide to support Trident because it’s the only way to appeal to moron voters who fantasise about nuking ISIS. They just end up sounding like shifty liars.”

He added: “It’s all a bit unfair really because everyone knows Trident is a huge waste of money. I’m only allowed to say it without being called unpatriotic because I used to shoot people with a tank.”