BRITISH soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy for people who like to have a good moan about teenagers and modern life in general, they have confirmed.
On the anniversary of the landings, those who took part said it was all to help today’s miserable sods criticise young people and pretend everything was better in the past.
Former soldier Tom Booker said: “As machine guns raked the beach I prayed future generations would invent a weird nostalgia industry where the war was a ripping adventure and everyone was cheerful thanks to Vera Lynn.
“I was also keen that people like Boris Johnson would use WW2 to whip up idiotic jingoism against the EU. Defeating the Nazis was just a bonus.”
Spitfire pilot Roy Hobbs, 93, said: “I was fighting for a world in which stupid idiots would be free to pretend the 1940s were great even though they were born in 1952.
“I was almost killed by a Messerschmitt but it was worth it if it helps Telegraph readers imagine every single human under 45 is a drippy PC-obsessed imbecile who wears adult nappies.”
Housewife Emma Bradford, 56, said: “Young people today are useless because they’ve never garrotted an SS guard. I haven’t either, but that’s different.”