HISTORY has confirmed that it decided to do the whole pandemic before the world war rather than after this time, to mix things up a bit.
After doing the First World War then the Spanish flu in the 20th century, history thought it might be interesting to try reversing world events and see if people liked it any more.
It said: “Fair enough, after the slaughter-pit of mud and bullets Europe became last time, some people felt that killing 50 million with a disease was a bit much. I hear you.
“So this time I thought, ‘What if the pandemic comes out of a clear blue sky?’ And it got way more attention. You people really flipped for it, so I’m definitely doing that again.
“But what with starting that later we’ve lost some lead time so it’s straight into the war and the subsequent political turmoil. You know, people turning to fascism, weird cults like bitcoin, that sort of thing. It’s already happening on Twitter.
“After that strikes, energy shortages, climate change really kicking in, the Antarctic War, the end of antibiotics, mass death and finally the AIs take over.
“By about 2070 everything’s sorted and we’re in a new golden age of happiness and freedom. It’ll be great, for those of you who make it.”