subscribe
/ Sign Out

92 per cent of men quietly confident they would be good blacksmiths

ALMOST all men are quietly confident that they would make very good blacksmiths, it has emerged.

A new survey has found that, regardless of their current occupation or qualifications, most men believe they could begin forging steel for a feudal landlord at a moment’s notice.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “This is a trend seen across all men, regardless of age, class, sexuality and whether they prefer Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings. All believe they could smith a blade at the drop of a hat.

“This could be a huge untapped resource for the UK, if only we had literally any need for blacksmiths.”

Software development manager Julian Cook said: “If we did return to an agrarian society of villages built around their ancient smithies, I’d be doing pretty well for myself.

“A longsword is composed of 300 layers of steel intricately folded by a master smith, but I learned Javascript in three months so I reckon I could get to grips with it in a couple of weekends.”

Mary Fisher, a professional metalworker, said:”I underwent 12 years of training to gain accreditation from the Blacksmiths Guild, but I am honestly intimidated by the raw talent in these men. I hope they never take up a hammer and tongs, I’d be out of a job in days.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

Six films that featured sexy people and not much else

SOME films are lucky enough to have a hot cast as well as a gripping plot line, but not these ones. Enjoy the eye candy, because there’s nothing else of value here.

Don’t Worry Darling (2022)

The promise of heartthrob Harry Styles got the teenage girls along for this one, even if the film was a bloated, derivative mess that only the biggest One Direction fan could approve of. But add in Florence Pugh, Olivia Wilde, Chris Pine and Gemma Chan, and you’ve got something that looks good on a poster, if absolutely nothing else.

I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)

There are hundreds of forgettable 90s slasher films but at least this one had Sarah Michelle Gellar and Jennifer Love-Hewitt in the lead roles, plus Ryan Philippe and Freddie Prinze Jr. for the ladies. What more could you ask for from a film? Except maybe a cohesive script and some genuine tension.

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)

Alicia Vikander? Gorgeous. Henry Cavill? Hunky. Armie Hammer, pre-cannibalism accusations? Fit. It was utterly shite and you forgot the entire plot the moment you left the cinema, but at least Guy Ritchie skipped his usual ugly gangster Vinnie Jones-type casting so there was something decent to fantasise about when you got home.

Mr and Mrs Smith (2005)

Can you remember anything that happens in this sexy thriller? Not a second of it. But it will always be known as the film where both stars were so undeniably hot side-by-side that they simply had to get together in real life, much to Jennifer Aniston’s chagrin.

The Legend of Tarzan (2016)

Kudos to you if you remember this pointlessly gritty 2016 box office bomb, which turns the fun story of a man raised by monkeys into a jungle-based eco-thriller. The one saving grace? It featured Margot Robbie and a six-packed Alexander Skarsgard. Which almost made it worth it. Almost.

Showgirls (1995)

This terrible film has earned a camp cult-following in recent years and part of the appeal is that the cast is exceedingly attractive, while the acting, story and dialogue pushes it into the ‘so bad it’s good’ category. Even that abominable pool sex scene is somewhat saved by the fact that, yes, those are great boobs.

Next story ›