Harsh-but-fair boss nowhere near as good as unfair-but-lenient boss

A BOSS who is harsh but fair is rubbish compared to a boss who is unfair but lenient, employees have agreed. 

The first type of boss, which many superiors aspire to be, always loses out to the second type because the first type will still end up telling you off.

Account manager Helen Archer said: “We’ve all met harsh-but-fair. He’ll tear a strip off you when you fuck up but ultimately it’s your own fault, and makes you try harder.

“However the boss who, while unfair, is lenient with it – like my current boss Jane – is actually far preferable because you might get blamed for something you didn’t do but there’s no comeback.

“Take last week, when she called me in to tell me off for not sorting the client rota, which isn’t my responsibility and I’ve never done, but offered no punishment and in fact let me go home early.

“Meanwhile Neil took the rap for losing the Metzler account, which was all me, but she waved it away airily and said it didn’t matter. It’s great.”

Boss Stephen Malley said: “At work I’m harsh but fair, and everyone thinks I’m a bastard and invites Jane for drinks and not me. Which is harsh. But fair.”

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Jacob Rees-Mogg accepts the Colonies are lost

JACOB Rees-Mogg has shocked critics by reversing his long-held position that the Thirteen Colonies of the US must be retaken by Britain. 

Mogg, a figurehead for those who refuse to recognise the independence of the United States, told interviewers that he must allow his head to rule his heart and accept the colonies are gone, however much he disagrees with it.

He continued: “Let me be clear. The monarchy is divine, the revolution was a crime against God, and George Washington will spend eternity with Judas in the ninth circle of Hell.

“But there are times when the practical must take precedence over the moral and these so-called ‘Americans’ were Englishmen once and may yet have a core of decency.

“In our current struggle against the Papists and Huns of the Continent it is possible our former countrymen across the Atlantic could save us, if they load men and muskets into their swiftest galleons and the wind favours the just.”

Brexit supporter Joseph Turner said: “I knew Mogg would turn when offered the Earl of Morpeth’s daughter in marriage in return for his support.

“I don’t even believe there are lands to the west. Suck on that.”