THE UK has been told to get to work and shut the fuck up for the next four months until its next allotted happiness break at Christmas.
Britons have, as the country slides into cold and darkness, been commanded to stop moaning and just do it and their only relief will be Strictly and a new Ed Sheeran album, which are hard work in themselves.
Boss Martin Bishop said: “Sit in those chairs, shut up and start generating revenue.
“Arrive early, leave late, and I’ll be here watching you both ends because this shit has rolled all the way down from the top.
“You’ve had enough of your family anyway. The weather’s going to be bollocks, and the news’ll be even worse. Do stuff on two monitors at once. I want to see action. Write me a report. I don’t give a bugger what on.
“Lunch at your desk. Coming in with a cold. Massive traffic jams. Emails at 10pm. Working weekends. God help you if you’re in retail.”
Employee Joseph Turner said: “Still, Christmas though.”
